Hello, my name is Lydia Farrar. I am a licensed cosmetologist but currently a stay at home mama to my two boys. Our family just moved to Los Angeles so my husband can pursue directing. I love anything creative and I love getting together with other mama’s to swap birth stories!
My C-Section journey began in January of 2014. I was pregnant with my first son, Eleazar, and had just about a month left of my pregnancy when I found out that I had developed gestational diabetes. I had developed it later in my pregnancy so it went untreated which made for a number of issues to sort through. My baby was measuring over 10lbs with still a month to go and I had excess fluid which caused him to not engage properly. Up until that point I was planning a natural, birth center birth. I was so excited to finally get to be apart of the “I pushed a baby out of my vagina with no meds” group! So I was completely devastated when the doctor looked at me and told me she felt the safest thing for me to do would be to have an elective C-Section. I bawled! All of my dreams of a natural birth, all of my visions of me birthing my baby and immediately pulling him to my chest for skin to skin were gone.
As I began to adjust my birth “plan” I was still so certain that I could birth this baby! I discussed with my doctor that if I went into labor naturally, I wanted to give it a solid try before the C-Section. She agreed to that but warned that laboring and then having to have a C-Section is often more recovery time and more exhausting.
So we scheduled a C-Section for right before my due date and I went home to try every possible thing to go into labor! I ate so many spicy hot wings and walked daily. The day finally came for my scheduled C-Section and I went in and they checked me. I was dilated 1cm. I was so sad! I was really hoping to be dilated at least a bit more so that I could possibly try laboring. As I sat there being monitored I just couldn’t go through with it. I told my doctor that I didn’t want to do it. I just wanted to give my body more time to actually go into labor. I just didn’t want to give up that dream! I agreed to schedule one a week later and THAT would be the day no matter what.
So I went home continuing to try everything to go into labor. But in that week I really began to let my dream go. I couldn’t force it. I couldn’t make it happen. So the day arrived, again. We loaded up our birth bag, our family came to the hospital with us and they prepped me for the OR. Honestly, it was a bit of a blur. I was still dealing with so much sadness over the whole situation. I tried to let it go but to be honest I was so upset. I was sitting on the operating table while they were trying to find the right spot for the spinal and I could not control my tears. I was ugly crying, snot and all! The nurse was so sweet, she wiped my nose and tears. Because they were having such a hard time finding the right spot I just sat there second guessing the whole thing. I wanted to jump off that table and run out! I wanted to have my baby the way I wanted to! But of course I didn’t do that. They finally found the spot and my legs began to go numb. It’s a pretty crazy feeling! They finally allowed my husband to come be in the room with me and they began the surgery. I remember being pretty loopy from the meds but I remember the doctors talking about how huge he was. Eleazar Kadesh Farrar was born February 4th, 2014 weighing 10lbs 13oz!!! They pulled him out and held him over the curtain for me to see him. He was ginormous!!! He was a big, healthy baby!!! I did get to hold him while they stitched me up and I just cried.
In the end, nothing else mattered but that precious baby boy. He was perfect and that was enough! The next few days while in the hospital were a bit emotional but my husband was my rock. He was so loving and changed all the diapers while in the hospital! I felt very blessed to have had such a good recovery after hearing so many horror stories. Eleazar latched and nursed like a champ and we felt so connected! I also felt peace about the fact that my C-Section incision was the kind that you can VBAC with! Even though it didn’t look like I planned, it was such a beautiful experience looking back. And I was able to have an HBAC (home birth after c-section) with my second son, but I’ll have to share that story another time.